Movin' On

My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Spending so much time thinking about my past is keeping me from living freely and fully. I know that self-reflection is a necessary exercise in order to grow and learn, but holding on to the pain and regret of the past is self-defeating. I am starting to awaken to the realization that in order for me to really live the life I want I need to let go of the past.

Finding peace with the choices I have made has been a bumpy road. For one, I wanna keep believing that if I had made different choices my life would be different now. But what am I really accomplishing if I keep thinking this way? All I am doing is making myself believe that my current life is miserable and not enough. To keep thinking that my life "could have been" different is to blind me of all that I have right now! Realizing that my past is nothing more than just a circumference of what was and holds no power over me is a liberating concept in itself.

Every day I learn more and more about who I am. Just a couple of years ago I had no idea who I was. I didn't know anything about myself because of the huge desire to please others and so I had no sense of identity. To begin a journey of self-knowledge is a road of courage, bravery and faith! I had no idea where to begin. I tried to find out what I liked and what I liked to do. I tried to find and search for new love. I tried religion, partying, and a new career. I searched, I looked and worked hard to define who I was, only to keep coming back to the empty feelings of shame and guilt. These feelings have been so prominent these last few days because I have been consciously dealing with my ghosts and demons. So instead of trying to define who I am first I need to first define what I am not. This is what I have come up with: I am not my past! I am not my mistakes! I am not a failure! I am not a burden! I am not unloveable!

I suppose the bravest people in this world are the ones who are capable of moving on with their lives after a horrible experience of some kind. Whether it be a horrific childhood, a sudden loss, or living a life of addictions. I know its a cliche but this saying rings true; "if you think holding on to your past hurts keeps you from getting hurt again, then you are mistaken." Let go and start living! It doesn't matter how bad, or how good your past was... in order to move on you need to let go.

Here are the lyrics of the song "Movin' On" by Rascal Flatts with this very message.

I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarentee's, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like
I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on