Grow Up and Get Over It!

I don't like confrontation! I don't like being in conflict with anyone or anything. If it were up to me I would NEVER have to confront or be in conflict with anyone! Now I know that is unrealistic because no matter how much I try to hide from it, avoid it, or just go with the punches, I still have to confront at times or be in conflict. Sometimes I have found that it is worse to hide and avoid the confrontation then to have had it in the first place.  But when it comes to confronting someone I do believe that there is a time, place and a respectable way to do so. I believe that confronting should be done for the best interest of ALL involved. Unfortunately, there are people who are too immature and too selfish to confront in a way that is respectable.

I have been in direct conflict with my ex these last few days. It has caused a lot of anxiety and stress in the family. I have lost some sleep and shed some tears over the matter. Only because I am still utterly me and utterly human! I am still learning on how to not give up my power when dealing with my ex. I am still learning how to detach and still keep my sanity! To think that I divorced him for these reasons only to still deal with them anyway...  is so frustrating. What stinks worse about this whole mess is that the kids are stuck in the middle.

And because of this...

I am angry!

No, I am beyond angry!


Yet I know that being angry only fuels the fire and gives him the satisfaction. But what I really need to get through my thick head is that he will NEVER change. So I need to be the mature one. The one to try and keep the peace so that my kids don't have to suffer more than they have to!

But I am tired...

Tired of super-senstive people that sees every refusal as a personal insult; that childish tendency to childish tantrums, with or without the visible signs of tantrum; that juvenile attitude that uses the pout as a lever to move a home out of a happy path. I am talking about that make-up that has to have everything its own way or the nearest and dearest must pay! I'm talking about a heart that mustn't be confronted or a week long silent treatment begins. There's no physical abuse, mind you, but the dread some families live in lest they say or do the wrong thing often feels worse than physical abuse!

Tired of it all!

But when does it end?

Mother's Day was suppose to be about me. I don't like to bask in vanity or take moments and make them all about me. I wasn't expecting much that day anyway. All I really wanted was to BE WITH my kids. No fancy gifts, no fancy restaurants, no gimmicks of any kind. Just time! But when someone goes out of their way to try and make the day special it shouldn't be a punishment for other people! The day was suppose to be about ME and other fabulous mothers. It wasn't suppose to be about him and his feelings. It wasn't suppose to be a day of confrontation and conflict! To think that I am getting cold shouldered because of no fault of anyone but his own bruised ego is so beyond my comprehension.

In God's name Grow up and Get Over It!