Healing Takes Time

Being a single mom is not easy. Sometimes I feel as though I am inadequate when it comes to raising my two precious children. But lately, I have noticed that even though I am not the perfect mom, I know my kids are going to be okay. It has taken time for me to see that healing has taken place for my family, and it has given me much needed hope. 

I know I have struggled with guilt about the divorce and doubted if my kids would ever recover, and even though the wounds are there, I know that God does heal the wounded and protects those He loves. It doesn't mean complete wholeness, but it does mean that forgiveness happens and life goes on. My kids will always be wounded from the divorce, but giving them the support and love they need, they too can move on and know that hearts do heal, and life can still be good after a traumatic event like divorce. I am thankful that children are so resilient and so forgiving. My kids are smiling again, and living life with acceptance, and I cannot tell you how much that makes me feel as a mom! 

Getting to this point was not an easy journey. I made a ton of mistakes, and I hurt my kids in the process. I was extremely selfish and did not do the things I needed to do in order to make the transition not as painful! Looking back I see that I wasn't emotionally available to them because I was trying to go back to school and finish my Masters in Education. Sure that was a necessary thing for me to do so that I could provide for them, but during that process I spent a lot of time socializing and being involved with another man. I think that was my biggest mistake through the whole process. Not that socializing was bad or wanting to have a relationship, but the timing was what made it wrong. I didn't give them the time they needed to adjust to the changes happening. I didn't give them the reassurance that life would get better, but that it was okay to feel angry, sad and confused. I pushed them to accept it when they were not ready. I suppose I did it because I was ready for life to be different and I had already did my grieving and accepted the loss. I pushed them to accept the men I was dating, and that only delayed the grieving process. 

I don't regret the past at all, despite what it may sound like, I am only reflecting on how God has worked in our lives despite the mistakes and the selfishness on my part. If anything, I learned so many valuable things through this journey. Right now however, I just want to say that life does get better after divorce. Children do recover, and hearts do heal. Everyday I am grateful for that!