When I started this blog I wanted in some ways to remember
this special time of my life; of being single and all that I would encounter in
being a single parent. I knew that going through a divorce was not going to be
easy, and boy it wasn’t. But I also knew that this would be a time for me to
grow and to find meaning in life. So I
wanted to write it down so that I can look back and cherish these moments. Yes,
I want to cherish the difficult times in my life because it is then that I seem
to appreciate what this life has to offer. What I have found is that no matter
what difficulties I go through, they are not permanent. I find great joy in
knowing that a storm does not last a lifetime, however, depending on the
strength of the storm, it can have life long effects…but the good news is, is
that those effects do not have to ruin one’s life, or run one’s life. I can’t
really put into words just how special these last few years have been for me
because I have learned so much about life and about myself. One of the biggest
lessons I am learning is that in order to be content I need to accept who I am,
and what life has dealt me. I can’t change my past, I can’t change my family,
and I can’t change the consequences of my choices. I am learning everyday that
I am a great person and I deserve the best life has to offer, even when I make
mistakes. I really do! It has taken me over 20 years to finally believe that! I
still have my fears, my flaws, and my doubts, and everyday is a battle to
overcome those obstacles.
Recently I have begun dating this wonderful man named Dan.
He is amazing and has been a true blessing in my life. I know it seems sudden
and perhaps one would think that this is just another guy passing through, but
I can reassure you, this is not the case at all. For one, it has been over
three months and I can’t give one complaint or think of one reason why this
wouldn’t work. (It usually takes two to three months to notice red flags). Okay, so maybe I can complain about his
obnoxious brother, but not everyone is perfect! Actually I have to take that
back, I can’t complain about his brother because he was the one who set us up.
So, as I was saying, nothing to complain about, but I do have so many wonderful
things to say….
I won’t bore you with all the details of how considerate and
awesome this man is, or all the fun we are having, not to mention how my whole
world lights up when I am in his presence, but I will tell you that for the
first time in my life I truly believe I have found someone in whom I know I can
love and be loved. It is so awe striking how much we have in common and how we
seem to just “fit.” I miss him so much when he is away and all I do is think
about him and how much I love him! Yes, I said it… I love him! And I know that
he loves me. ME! The real me! And how do I know this? Maybe it’s the way he
looks at me, or the fact that he takes time to show how much he cares, in all
the right ways, or is the haikus he writes me, or the way he kisses me? Or
could it be something a little deeper, like trust and risk? Yes, it’s all those
things. I can’t explain it because I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I can
honestly say that I trust him. Hmmm, this is a HUGE step for me! I think its
all part of this journey I have been on. This journey of learning to let go and
live life! I know deep in my heart that we were not meant to live life alone.
We were meant to share our life with someone in whom we trust, and that takes
risk! Love after all is risky. Nobody has guarantees about tomorrow so I can’t
tell you for sure what the future holds, but I do know that somehow he will be
a part of it. Now that thought makes me smile, makes me happy and gives me hope…
And so the journey continues….
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