Last
night I was watching the 80’s blockbuster, “Back To The Future” with my kids. It
is always a joy to watch Michael J. Fox. It's certainly an entertaining movie
and it has some great science lessons in there as well, but the real fun was to
imagine myself twenty years from now as well as my own kids. As we were
poking fun on how we would look and what the world around us would be like I
had a daunting thought: When my kids grow
up and turn out just like me, how will I feel about that? Hmmm…This is such
a great question to ask as a parent because it makes you look at yourself and
the example you are setting. As much as I am an advocate for the latest
parenting book and applying the basic concepts of being consistent and involved
in your child’s life, it really does come down to the example you are setting
for your kids by the kind of life you are living. In other words, I am the main
model to my kids on how to handle life. It doesn’t matter if I tell them to be
honest if I am not showing them how. If I am consistently dishonest about
certain things in my life, then my kids will also be. If they see me get up and
work out, they will probably get up and work out themselves (or not). Of course
this does not take the place of discipline because discipline still has its
part and one should always train a child on the virtues of right and wrong. But
what really matters here is what kind of life I am living and the message being
sent to my children. After all, don’t I want to give them the necessary skills
to be successful? And by successful I mean to be a productive citizen in our
community, a person full of joy, integrity and courage. So when I think about
the kind of people I want my kids to be, I need to stop and think if I am
living that way. Am I a productive citizen in my community? Am I full of joy,
integrity and courage? See, I CANNOT ASK
MY CHILDREN TO BE BETTER THAN ME! In other words, it’s the whole “do as I say
and not what I do” mentality. I cannot expect my children to be born with the
knowledge or will power on how to do what they “ought” to do rather than what
they “want” to do, unless I, as their mother, guide them in that direction. Let’s
face it even as adults we have a hard time with that concept. In fact it takes
a mature person to really live that way… wouldn’t you say? And the only true
way to guide anyone to have that kind of direction is to be the example.
As
a single parent, it is so easy to fall into this life style of two different
lives. One life is where you live while the kids are with you and the other is
when they are with the other parent. For
me it was definitely two different lives, one where I lived life more
conservatively and the other as if I had no responsibility. The funny thing
was, was that my children knew anyway what I was doing even though they were
not with me. Kids are not dumb. So essentially I was teaching them that it was
okay to get drunk and try and fit in with the crowd. Even though I was trying
to teach them to stay away from drugs and be their own person. However, after
some heartache and regret, I am fortunate enough to realize my mistakes and
have a second chance. I no longer lie to my kids about my “other” life because
I don’t have to. I live a consistent life now. How I live with my kids is how
live when they are not with me. This has brought so much peace into my home!
One way it has is that my kids know for certain who I am and what to expect
from me. There are no secrets, no lying and so they are not surprised with
anything. This is how I gain their trust. And in gaining their trust, they will
more likely listen to me. I think that is what’s meant when the experts say be consistent! Consistent with my values, my beliefs, my
faith and my life! As much as I desire my kids to be a better person than I am
right now, it is not going to happen if I don’t try and aim for that kind of
person right now! I need to live life with joy, kindness, courage, and much
love! I need to live life with honesty, and with an above average work ethic.
If I don’t want my kids to complain, then I need to stop! If I don’t want my
kids to live a mediocre life then I better get off my complacent butt and start
living an amazing life! I need to go after my dreams and show them it is
possible. WOW! all that from an 80’s movie. Thanks Spielberg for sending me to
the future so I can do what I need to do now in order for my kids to reap the
fruit of their own future…
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