Just Show Up

Dan has crohns. It is an autoimmune disease that attacks the intestines. It can be painful and cause numerous health problems. He has been in remission for some time now because of a certain medication that he takes. Every two months we hop into our car and head to the hospital so he can get injected with this medicine. While the I.V. is inserted into his body we hang out for a couple of hours. We talk, laugh, play games and eat. Since being with Dan I have gone to every treatment with him, watching him get poked and pricked, with some enjoyment and pleasure of course. If I happen to be especially annoyed with him for some reason, I make a point to tell the lovely nurse to poke him hard if neccessary. Did I mention I can be a sadist?

No! I am not a sadist, I just like to watch Dan go through little nuisances as I have to go through mine. Only mine is every month while his is every two, so I can smile inside when I watch the needle poke in his gentle and hard working hand. :)

In all seriousness, I don't really enjoy it all that much. I don't like to watch those I love suffer or go through anything that requires any kind of misery. The reality of life, however, is that we all have our little nuisances that we could live without, but we do, and although they require special attention, we should not be indifferent to them or give them power.

I know Dan would love to live life without crohns and enjoy a big hot buttery bucket of popcorn. And when I am more than annoyed with him that's another way to show it. I love the crunching and melting of the popped kernel in my mouth while the buttery taste swooshes all over my palate...mmmm..... take that cowboy! Okay, I am really not that insensitive, but I know it's a little annoying when the family enjoys our favorite movie snack while he chomps on corn nuts. But being the trooper that he is, he sometimes will take a mouth full of that ass kickin popcorn chew it and then spit it out! We all accomodate our nuisances somehow, and that's his way. No judging please, as I do make sure he spits it at the dog. :)

Crohns can be a serious illness. I don't know everything about crohns, only that it can be painful and cause other nuisances. Dan has been faithful in showing up to his treatments for the last eight years. Since he has taken time to do so, his crohns is under control. Even when he feels fine he still shows up. He still gets his treatement. He still gets poked and for two hours pumps his body with immune fighting medicine. And this made me think about life...

That even though we seem to be fine we still need to show up:

Show up as a spouse
Show up as a parent
Show up as an employee/employer
Show up as a son or daughter
Show up to our recreational activities
Show up as a friend
Show up as a brother or sister
Show up as a neighbor
Show up to life....


Not just show up as in existing. Show up in living out loud with who you are!  Just because life seems okay, or not okay, doesn't mean we let the hours tick by with no meaning or purpose. To find the joy in the ordinary, mudane existence we call life, is what makes life beautiful. When we stop showing up life becomes less than ordinary. It becomes miserable. It becomes meaningless. And it becomes lonely.

It isn't easy to show up sometimes. When we are feeling less than or overwhelmed it is difficult to want to show up. But when we force ourselves out of bed when we would rather stay in and entertain our misery is a huge act of showing up, even when we don't know what else to do. To keep showing up to a job that seems hopeless and worthless while trying to smile and find the enjoyment, again is another great act of showing up. To listen to our friends ailments rather than judge her... To put a stop to our temptations when we know it would hurt our spouse if they knew what we were doing... To put down the popcorn and just show up to a treatment and play games for two long hours...

Yes, life is about showing up. It's not about the right answers or being better or having. It's about showing up as ourselves and saying, "Here I am!" All imperfect, and messy, and full of love! Sometimes that's all is required of us... to JUST SHOW UP!