Recently I have been dealing with strong emotions of confusion. I don't know if this is because of all the changes I have been going through or because I just don't know what the truth is anymore.
We all have voices in our heads talking to us 24/7. There is no break from this little voice. This voice is powerful and influences us in many many scary ways. The little voice in my head is telling me one thing and then my heart says another.
The little voice says, I am strong and can do all things on my own will
My heart says I am not that strong and I need help from God and others.
The little voice says, I am not pretty enough because I don't look like a Victoria Secret Model.
My heart says I am beautiful and that is BETTER than being pretty.
The little voice says, people don't like me and they don't care about me.
My heart says I am loved and cared for deeply by God, my family and friends.
The little voice says, I will never amount to anything or do anything important.
My heart says that being a good wife, mother and teacher is more than amounting to something.
The little voice says, I am a mistake and a burden.
My heart says thta I have made mistakes but I am not one. I am a blessing to others.
After writing those words down I realized that I shouldn't be so confused. It's obvious isn't it, that the heart is what speaks the truth and not the little voice. Of course! But I can't help but wonder where the little voice comes up with these ridiculous ideas?
Then again, just a few minutes on social media, television or a quick conversation in the lounge and it's crazy how much these little voices creep into our world. I suppose the confusion isn't with myself per say, but with the world. Why does the world tell us these lies? These lies that make life harder and miserable? These lies that protray ideals that are so opposite of what really makes life rich and meaningful.
Here is what I mean...
The world tells us women that in order to be attractive and accepted, we must look like a Victoria Secret Model. Big boobs, tight tummy, tight butt. As if the only traits that make up a woman are those features. Oh wait, I forgot the flawless skin and the flowing shiny hair and perfect smile. So us women bought the lie and now we exercise more, eat less, buy billions of dollars of cosmetics and spend even more on plastic surgery. For what? To feel good about ourselves? To gain more acceptance? Do we go to our grave wishing we had bigger boobs and a tighter ass? I am confused with this message. I am confused that in order to be considered feminine and pretty one must conform to physical traits that are IMPOSSIBLE to achieve naturally. Confusing. Here is what is more confusing to me. Not only did us women buy into this lie we actually sell it to others. We sell it to our men, our children and to each other. If we were door to door salespeople we would knock on a potential client's door and say, "Look at my new boobs!" while proceeding to lift up our shirt and then flaunt our new look as if to say... this is what happiness looks like. Want some?
The idea of flaunting boob jobs and tight tummies while promoting underwear seems a bit innocent, but I am starting to get skeptical. For one, I have had many female friends who have had or have an eating disorder in order to achieve thinness. I have had young female students who also end up with eating disorders in order to feel accepted. Secondly, it sexually arouses our husbands. Here me out on this argument. As innocent and accepting we have become with our men to become aroused with such images it is not a healthy act on us. Why? Would you like your husband to become sexually aroused when he sees your friend, or a co-worker? Would you like your husband to spend his sexual energy on a fantasy rather than on the real deal with you? The reason these questions are being raised for me is because I am noticing how men are becoming less satisfied with their wives. They want their wives to look similar to a Victoria Secret Model. Men want their sexaul fullfilment from fake women rather than their wives. I am not trying to demean the sexaul desires of men. Not at all. I understand the core need of sex for a man. What I am demeaning is the protrayal of what sexy is. Sure Victoria Secret does a great job to sell lingerie and fancy panties, and I love their clothing line! What I am confused with are the models? Is it Victoria Secrets fault or the Worlds that we have to have a model in order to sell products? And where did this idea of pretty come from?
Too many questions, and I know I am nothing but a little person in a BIG world whose thinking and ways are far different than mine. I don't understand it and in the end when I go to my grave, I will not regret NOT getting a boob job or tummy tuck. I will regret not being the person I was meant to be if I don't allow myself to be that person. Boobs, tight tummies and flawless beauty is not my identiy. I refuse to buy into the lie of what pretty is. I am me and I am beautiful and I am enough!
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