Finding Gold!

My new husband has a very interesting hobby. He likes to dig for gold. He is even a part of a gold association here in town and just the other weekend we went out and tried to find some gold in the Pilar area. If you haven't been there, it is a beautiful mountainous area where the Rio Grande flows. Lots of canyons and fresh air. It is definitely God's country... wild, free, and just breath takingly gorgeous. So while my cowboy digs and digs I enjoy the beauty that surrounds me and the love that I feel deep inside and out. Sometimes I enjoy a good book.

 But when the digging is over, I do enjoy the panning part of finding the gold because it fascinates me that there is actually little specs of gold in the dirt. All you need to do is wash out the dirt and poof, you find gold. Well, finding the gold isn't always that easy since it is hiding as little specs rather than big nuggets. Imagaine! Shiny little gold specs in a big pile of dirt. FASCINATING!! I NEVER knew there was gold in the dirt I walked on. Looking at the pile of dirt I would never have guessed that a precious metal lived and hid in the dirt!

And so when I sit there panning the dirt searching for little specs of gold it reminds me of something special. So special that I smile and laugh and just fill with joy when I find the little specs of gold. WHY? Because that something special is me and it is you! Think about it. Don't we all have a little gold in us too? That little spec of precious shiny stuff inside of us, hiding in the dirt. Sometimes we focus so much on the dirt that we don't realize that there is gold in there. Sometimes the dirt seems so heavy and dense that there is no way gold can be hiding in there. Or sometimes we think our dirt is too dirty, so why would something so beautiful, so precious and so valuable be hiding there? Or worse, maybe we know about the gold inside of us but we hide it! We hide it because our specs are not as big as the others. Or we think our shiny precious light is not enough so we pretend we don't have any.

Maybe what is even worse than that, is when we do discover our gold and we share it with other people, but instead of accepting it as a precious gift, they laugh at us! They tell us our gold is too small, or not enough. Or they get scared and tell us to hide it because the world just doesn't want our gold. Or they become angry and jealous because they don't want to discover thier own gold, or compare ours to theirs and find thiers inadequate so they make us feel inadequate. The best solution then is to keep our gold secret and keep showing off our dirt instead. So that others are not threatened or angry with us. How sad but true! Here is why....

When I sit and pan for gold in all that dirt my honey dug from the earth, I am reminded that I do have gold inside of me whether I like it or not. It doesn't matter what I think or what others think, I DO HAVE GOLD INSIDE OF ME hiding in my dirt, in all my ugliness. And that is a beautiful thing! My gold is a shiny spec of joy--It is when I find hope in hopeless situations--It is when I love myself and others-- And it is when I do the right thing and stand for the right purpose regardless of the ridicule I will receive. Sometimes I am afraid to show my gold to the world. I don't think it is big enough or shiny enough. Sometimes I just want to be liked by others that I hide my gold because I don't want to be laughed at or judged.

As I write those words, those truthful and hurtful words, I know how wrong it is to hide my gold from the world. That I am not doing the world an ounce of good by hiding and pretending. But I find my dirt too comfortable. You see, my dirt is my shame. Shame of my past, shame of who I am. And so I can't let my gold shine through because I believe that I am not worthy. You see, the dirt, the shame, is so thick and dense sometimes that I don't see the gold. Sometimes I forget it's there. Even though I smile and do my best to enjoy life, the dirt is there, hiding my gold, my true joy and love. I know my gold is seen by those close to me and who love me dearly, and when I am alone working on myself, I too see it. But to really let the world know about the little specs in all that dirt? I just don't know if I am brave enough yet. All I know is that it is there. It is in you too. And maybe when we summon up the courage to let the world know, maybe the world won't laugh. Maybe the world will say, "Me too!" and then when we encounter one another, we will see the gold that is there, hiding in the dirt, and smile with joy and love, rather than with disgust and judgement. Even if the gold is tiny little specs. We will notice them in others because we know it is in us. And then we can stop the hiding and the pretending and just let our gold shine!