Am I Beautiful?

The BIG question every girl asks the world is... "am I beautiful?" There is a lot of status, and a lot of pressure to be beautiful in this world. And depending on where you live, beauty is defined in so many different ways, there is no universal commonality when it comes to what is considered a beautiful woman. For instance, some cultures find women who don't shave sexy, and in another culture women who wear head coverings are considered lovely and are respected. But here in this country women who can fit into a size 2 or less with a bra size twice or three times that size is considered "hot."

Every little girl wants to be admired for her beauty. Haven't you noticed how most little girls love to play"dress up" in their frilly dresses and twirl around in front of an audience, asking them, "am I beautiful?"

I struggled for years to try and fit into the image of what I thought people wanted me to look like. I exercised and ate accordingly and paid high dollars for clothing, hair and make-up to make sure that when I asked the world if I was beautiful, the answer would be a shouting, "YES!" But now that I am nine months pregnant, my belly is popping out and I have gained more than 40 pounds. Every public appearance I make there is comment from a stranger on how I look. If I had a dollar for every twin comment and "Boy, you are huge!" comment I would be able to pay for my new daughter's college education, or at least her first year of day care.

This journey of pregnancy really had me thinking whole lot about the words pretty, beautiful, hot and sexy. For one, I dont feel that way at all because when I ask the world, "am I beautiful?" the answer is murky, confusing and shocking. When I look in the mirror, I see fatness and weight gain. When I put on my clothes I feel unsexy and like a whale. And now with such a busy schedule with a new marriage, kids and work, who has time for working out, hair and make-up? So trying to be beautiful while pregnant has not been an easy feat. So I decided to stop trying. I decided that I was tired of placing my worth and beauty in the hands of strangers, who they themselves, have no idea what true beauty really is anyway. I guess I realized that our definition of beautiful is all wrong.

How can I NOT be beautiful when I am carrying a precious jewel inside my body? How can I NOT be beautiful when I am raising children to be responsible, caring and loveable people in this world? How can I NOT be beautiful when there is so much love and kindness inside of me to give to others? How can I NOT be beautiful when I inspire young minds to think beyond themselves?

See, our current definition of beautiful is weak! It is weak because beauty shouldn't be about outward appearances but should be about what you are made of. Beauty should be strong and stable, not weak and interchangeable. In order to be beautiful in this world, you will have to keep changing yourself for everyone you meet, and eventually you won't know who you are. I know because I used to think being pretty was really important, so I was confused and I felt weak most of the time.

See, there is beauty with knowing who you are and being confident with that.  Being beautiful should be about discovering what we love in life-- what makes our heart sing. Everyone has their own unique ideas on what is beautiful in this world. Sunsets, flowers, music, children, art, laughter, food and so forth. And when we soak in all that beauty, how can we NOT be beautiful for it?

So when I am doing/experiencing these things:

Holding hands with my husband

Helping my son with his homework

Routing for my daughter's basketball team

Roasting and peeling chile with my sister and her family

Catching up with a lost friend

Laughing at one of my husband's jokes

Eating at my favorite resturaunt

Feeling my new daughter kicking and squirming inside my tummy

Having a family dinner at my in-laws

Making a difference in one of my student's lives

Running on a cool morning

Wiping my daughter's tears

Enjoying the wilderness

I am no longer asking the world "am I beautiful?" instead the world is asking me, "am I beautiful?" Because what surrounds me, what I experience in this short lived life, is way more valuable then the time and money spent on beauty routines that come and go. The people in my life FILL me with beauty and therefore, I can confidently, and strongly say, YES! YES I am beautiful and so is the world!