God's Miracles

Hello again. Sorry for the brief absence. I have been very busy with the end of year shenanigans for school, and busy with life! First, I would like to say that God has been working some wonderful little miracles in the last few months and I would like to share them with you. The truth of the matter is that when you truly surrender your life over to Him, you really see the benefit and life truly is a blessing.

Back in January I began to take a 30 day challenge from a radio station called K-Love. Their challenge was to listen to Christian music and only Christian music for 30 days and see how it would change your life. My kids said I should try it, and considering how my life was turning out, I took it. It is now the beginning of June, and I am still listening to only Christian music. How has it transformed my life?

I am a single mom, divorced for two years now, and with it came many challenges like loneliness, and finances to name just a few. Listening to the music stirred in me the idea of hope and that I was loved even though I was full of mistakes. Prior to the challenge, I had dated men that what were wrong for me and my kids. The relationships were not good by any means. I was also just beginning my teaching career, but I wasn't fully committed or engaged in it. I simply walked in the classroom and relied on the routine to get me through the day. I isolated myself from others. When I did socialize I drank to the point of getting drunk. I even ruined a date because of this behavior. I knew I needed help when I even got drunk in front of my own children and I couldn't even drive them home that night because I had to pass out and get sober. When I drove them home that next morning, I could see the disgust and disappointment in their eyes. My heart was broken... what was wrong with me? I mean I knew better, and I just felt hopeless, helpless and utterly broken. I honestly thought there was no way to change. I knew about Jesus of course, but I was done with the legalistic religious values I was taught a few years ago when I first became a Christian. And because of that kind of teaching I couldn't turn to Jesus to help me because he was disappointed in me and wouldn't want to deal with someone like me! I cried in front of my children and begged them to forgive me. My son hugged me and said he forgave me. At that moment I knew I needed to make some changes.

So even though I knew Jesus was probably angry and disgusted with me I went to church anyway, and I began to listen to K-Love. The pastor at my church was preaching on a series called Resolve, about having the best year of your life when you follow God and surrender everything to him. He talked about making goals and going after them. So I did. I told God to take it all from me, and I wrote down my goals. They are still hanging on my mirror. I started to listen to the music of K-Love and I began to realize that Jesus was not angry at me at all and that I wasn't the only person struggling with life. During K-Love's drive I listened to many people tell their stories about how their lives were changed because of Jesus and the music they were listening to. I began to relate to them as I began to notice how much God was blessing me and giving me little miracles.

The first little miracle is the unconditional love I have found with my church family. I joined a support group with people who struggle with similar problems as my own. I have found people who were divorced and yet still serving the Lord and who were actually joyful!! I have met some wonderful ladies who accept me for me and who encourage me to keep the faith and to be a better a person. Women who hold me accountable. This is Gods love being manifested to me because it proves that no matter what, He will love me through his church. These people have given me a safe place to share my hurts, my pain, my struggles and yet there is no judgement or trying to "fix" me. They listen and then they tell me about their pain and struggles and how God was able to pull them through. The biggest lesson I learned through that is that God is faithful, and that He doesn't forsake or leave us! Looking back through all the mistakes I made, God was never angry or disgusted, He was always there. Just like the song says, He was there the whole time with me, leading me to where I am today! How awesome is that? That through my hard struggles, it was God proving his faithfulness to me! Crazy!

Second miracle, my relationship with my children and my ex has improved beyond what I thought was possible. I actually feel like a family now when I have my children with me. I am more present and I am learning to set limits and show love to my children in the same way God has shown love to me! I am so thankful that even though my children are coming from a divorced family, they will not be deprived of love and affection and that they will know God's love! I am also thankful that God lead me to forgive my ex and to forgive myself for our failed marriage. This was a huge liberating moment for me! I can't express how wonderful it is not to carry such guilt and anguish from divorcing! Thanks again to a support group called Divorce Care offered by my church.

Third miracle, I have been able to pay my bills every month even though I don't have enough. I don't know how God is able to make this happen, but its true. I started a jewelry business and I always get the sales I need at the right time. Or my church family will come and help me out when I need it. When I needed a washer and dryer, I got them and free of charge. When I needed clothes, a friend would take me shopping and she would pay. If I needed food, a family moving away happens to need someone to empty their pantry and fridge. If I was lonely, a friend would come over for dinner or someone would call to just check in. If there was ever a need, it was met. I can actually say that ALL of my needs have been met! Praise God!

Fourth miracle, my teaching career improved tremendously. My students noticed a difference right away. "Wow, Ms. Johnson, you seem so happy these days!" I laughed with my students, listened to them and taught with passion and life! My classroom became a safe place for my students to hang out during lunch. They actually enjoyed my presence! I have to say I did too! :) The biggest miracle for me though, was how I had to pass a certain test in order to keep the teaching position at the school I was working. I studied but not to the point where I felt confident. I prayed so hard as did my small group and other church family, that I would pass so that I could keep my job, and I was so worried that if I didn't pass I would be out of work and end up working at a place I did not want to work. When I saw the results I knew it was God! I passed and was re-hired. I am so excited to be back next year and start off with the right foot this time!

As far as dating, I haven't met anyone yet, but that's okay. I know God is working on me and my future mate. When the time is right and when it is His will, it will happen. I know now not to go after the wrong guys and to wait for the right one. I have found it is better to be alone (not lonely) then to be in a bad relationship.

As you can see all those miracles had miracles within them. I can't even count how much God has been blessing me and transforming me. I still struggle of course, I still have worries, but now I have God by my side, thats the difference. And that is the difference that makes ALL the difference in the world. I am beyond glad that I took that challenge... and I will continue to take that challenge because I want to see what God has next for me and for my family and friends, for this is only the beginning!