Dear Kevin,
I found this on your instagram: "I've never pleased anyone in my life, no ones ever told me they love me, or meant it anyway, what's the point of living if you have no one to live for? The only reason I'm not dead is bc I don't got someone to die for."
I think this might have something to do with a girl. Or I think this has to do with how you view your life. I wish I could make you see it differently. I wish I could have you see through my eyes just how much you are loved and how proud I am of you. I wish I could protect you from the world's cruelty. Yes, people sometimes say they love you and don't mean it. It's not your fault. It's not because of you that they do this. It's because they are hurting too. They are afraid of the truth. Sometimes people will hurt you and I wish I could cover you with a big blanket to protect your little heart from this. I know life hasn't been fair, and I am sorry to say that life will continue to be unfair. See, son, I want you to know that life is NEVER going to be what you think it ought to be. Life and people will let you down and you will be left empty wondering what the point of all this is. I know because I tried to live life by my own rules and it left me angry, depressed and disappointed. It took me a really long time to realize that my rules did not fit with how life really was. I wanted people to be more understanding and compassionate. I wanted to live where the good people always got good from life and the bad people got the bad stuff. That isn't true. I wanted people to be honest and kind, and I found out that most people lie and are unkind. I found out that trusting people was not always easy. I spent a lot of time in my anger and depression because I didn't know how to deal with ALL of this. I tried controlling and wishing and conforming, only to become lost and confused.
Son, you are not here to please anyone. The only person you need to please is yourself and your God. Trying to please people here on this Earth is like trying to put on a pair of pants that don't fit. And even if you can get them on, you look pretty silly because it's not a good fit. You need to wear a pair of pants that fit you. It doesn't matter if other people don't like your pants. There will ALWAYS be someone who will hate and disapprove of you. As a wise woman wrote, "don't try and win over the haters, you are not the jack ass whisperer." Be true to who you are son. Be courageous and brave and live life in a way that puts a smile on your face. Even if the whole world doesn't understand you. Even if the whole world doesn't say they love you. But you know what? You do have people in this world who love you very much. I know sometimes it's hard to see it because we don't love you the way you want to be loved. That was another HARD lesson I learned. I learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you at all.
See, Kevin, people are messed up. All of us! We all have stories of hardships and trials that beat us up pretty good. So we don't always know how to love one another the best way. Sometimes we are just plain selfish. I hope that you can look at us with forgiveness and compassion instead of judgement and anger. But see, there are people in this world who do try and love. Who give it their best shot and doesn't care whether it makes a basket or not. I am hoping you can be one of those people. A person who sees life's grander things rather than the ugly ones. Bad stuff will always happen around us, and to us. Please don't ever think that giving up is an option. The point of life is not about pleasing others or having everything your heart desires. It's about living it the best way we know how. By loving ourselves, our God, and others. It's messy sometimes, and confusing, but it's worth it.
I love you Kevin. And just because you have a pulse doesn't mean you are alive. We can walk around like a zombie and just conform to what the world says we should be, or we can be true to ourselves and live in a way that is honest and good to who we really are. In the end you will find that joy you have been searching for.
Be Brave. Be Courageous. Don't Give Up.
Love,
Mom
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