You Will NEVER Get It Together

I would like to encourage all of you single moms out there. You will NEVER get it together, so stop trying. Stop pressuring yourself to be perfect. You will never be perfect. Stop trying to live up to an ideal that produces shame. Put down the image you created for yourself, put down the mask, and just show up. Show up with all your imperfections, all of your craziness, all of your youness!

 In the end your children only want you anyway. They don't want a perfect mom. They don't want a tired, worn out, pretending to have it together mom. They want you. All of you. Yes, ALL of you! Even with all of the mistakes, and regrets and the messiness that you have created. Your kids are going to be okay, because you are okay. You are enough, and you are giving and doing enough. Give yourself a break and stop trying so hard.

Don't let the world manipulate you into believing what makes up a good mom. Don't let other moms judge you for not living up to their standards. Their lofty looks and nasty remarks are only an indicator of their own self-value, it says nothing of your value. Don't let the "super mom" culture of this world make you feel less than because you can't do it all. All that is required from you is to love your kids. Period. Love will guide you and show you how to give your kids the best. Don't let materialism of others make you seem like you are not giving enough "stuff" to your kids. Trust me, what your kids need and what your kids want are two very differnt things. You are providing them with what they need, and when they are grown they will show you through their own lives just how grateful they were for providing what they needed (food, shelter, clothing, love and support). They will grow up remembering your time with them, not the stuff you bought them.

 It's okay to have dirty dishes in the sink. It's okay to have un-made beds, and laundry all over the floor. It's okay to have dust on your shelves and to have a pile of toys and homework in the house. Put down the image of a perfecly clean house and go play with your kid! Talk to him. Listen to her. They truly and wholly want you. Your stories. Your experiences. Your time.

Live life and your kids will learn to live life. And in life remember this:

You will NEVER get it together. So stop trying. Just show up and believe it's going to be okay!

We're Married! We're Having a Baby!

In my brief absence here on my blog I have much to share with you. I am now a married woman and I am expecting my third child in September!

Who would have thought a year ago I would be married and pregnant? Life is interesting like that, and once again she has shown me that she is not done with throwing me unexpected surprises. I couldn't be more happy or more thrilled.

I truly do feel like the luckiest woman in the world. My new husband is amazing and wonderul. Everything a woman would want in a man. Respectful, thoughtful, giving and continues to make me smile and laugh.

Our wedding day is a day I will cherish for the rest of my life and beyond. It was small, short and very sweet. All of my loved ones were there to witness the grand event. My son gave me away, my daughter was a beautiful brides maid, two of my cute little nieces were adorable flower girls, my little sister the maid of honor and Dan's best friend Dan the best man, not to mention that my brother-in-law performed the ceremony. It was funny, heart warming and some tears of joy were shed. Most importanly, our vows were written from our hearts. Vows that expressed our love, our devotion and our promises to one another.  The recpetion was held in our house (thanks to wind and cold) and everyone enjoyed themselves.  It was a wonderul, exciting day! I do have to say that our new marriage has brought us closer than ever, and I love him now more than ever. I do believe the feeling is mutal on his part! ;)

And now I am going to be a mama again. Four months into the pregnancy and I am feeling really good. No big complaints, like morning sickness. Just feel tired and boy do I have to pee a lot! We have had two ultra sounds already and the baby looks healthy and active! Yay for active baby! We have another ultra sound on May 1st and hopefully we will find out gender. I will keep you posted. So why all the ultra sounds you may ask? Well, according to the medical experts, I am considered high risk due to my age. Yes, apparently 35 is considered advanced maternal age! Oh well, I am not going to complain about the extra tender care and ultra sounds. Dan is super excited and has been taking extra good care of me. Making me breakfast every morning, packing my lunches and sees that I get my rest. He even enjoys talking and making jokes to my belly so the baby can hear. Gotta break the baby in with his hilarious humor right?  :o)

Life is good! Even if you have to squint to find the good, it's there. Wishing you all the joy possible!

A Brand New Chapter...

When I started this blog I wanted in some ways to remember this special time of my life; of being single and all that I would encounter in being a single parent. I knew that going through a divorce was not going to be easy, and boy it wasn’t. But I also knew that this would be a time for me to grow and to find meaning in life.  So I wanted to write it down so that I can look back and cherish these moments. Yes, I want to cherish the difficult times in my life because it is then that I seem to appreciate what this life has to offer. What I have found is that no matter what difficulties I go through, they are not permanent. I find great joy in knowing that a storm does not last a lifetime, however, depending on the strength of the storm, it can have life long effects…but the good news is, is that those effects do not have to ruin one’s life, or run one’s life. I can’t really put into words just how special these last few years have been for me because I have learned so much about life and about myself. One of the biggest lessons I am learning is that in order to be content I need to accept who I am, and what life has dealt me. I can’t change my past, I can’t change my family, and I can’t change the consequences of my choices. I am learning everyday that I am a great person and I deserve the best life has to offer, even when I make mistakes. I really do! It has taken me over 20 years to finally believe that! I still have my fears, my flaws, and my doubts, and everyday is a battle to overcome those obstacles.

Recently I have begun dating this wonderful man named Dan. He is amazing and has been a true blessing in my life. I know it seems sudden and perhaps one would think that this is just another guy passing through, but I can reassure you, this is not the case at all. For one, it has been over three months and I can’t give one complaint or think of one reason why this wouldn’t work. (It usually takes two to three months to notice red flags).  Okay, so maybe I can complain about his obnoxious brother, but not everyone is perfect! Actually I have to take that back, I can’t complain about his brother because he was the one who set us up. So, as I was saying, nothing to complain about, but I do have so many wonderful things to say….

I won’t bore you with all the details of how considerate and awesome this man is, or all the fun we are having, not to mention how my whole world lights up when I am in his presence, but I will tell you that for the first time in my life I truly believe I have found someone in whom I know I can love and be loved. It is so awe striking how much we have in common and how we seem to just “fit.” I miss him so much when he is away and all I do is think about him and how much I love him! Yes, I said it… I love him! And I know that he loves me. ME! The real me! And how do I know this? Maybe it’s the way he looks at me, or the fact that he takes time to show how much he cares, in all the right ways, or is the haikus he writes me, or the way he kisses me? Or could it be something a little deeper, like trust and risk? Yes, it’s all those things. I can’t explain it because I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I can honestly say that I trust him. Hmmm, this is a HUGE step for me! I think its all part of this journey I have been on. This journey of learning to let go and live life! I know deep in my heart that we were not meant to live life alone. We were meant to share our life with someone in whom we trust, and that takes risk! Love after all is risky. Nobody has guarantees about tomorrow so I can’t tell you for sure what the future holds, but I do know that somehow he will be a part of it. Now that thought makes me smile, makes me happy and gives me hope… And so the journey continues….