Does Anyone Care?

This is a little something I wrote in hopes to send to important people to get this concern out there. It is a complement of the previous post... enjoy! 

 Does Anyone Care?

Lately there has been a lot of hype in the education world about giving our children a future. What does that really mean? Last week’s article in the Journal about the young lady with three kids trying to make ends meet while getting her GED, showcases how we as a society continue to dry wash the idea that getting an education means a better future. It’s hard to argue that when most people with a Master’s degree earn at least $50,000. That is, unless, you are teacher. I am a single mom of two children, and in giving them a good example to follow, I went back to school after my divorce and earned my Master’s in Education and became a teacher. Unfortunately, I don’t earn $50,000 for earning my Master’s degree. I earn a humble $30,002 before taxes, so I roughly bring home $25,002. APS gives starting teachers $2 more a year for earning that Master’s degree! Yeah, $2!  With that low of income I had no choice but to get on food stamps ($132 a month, about a week’s worth of groceries) and Medicaid for my children. I had to find “other income” by selling goods or coaching after school (time away from my kids and my classroom) to just have enough by the end of the month. If other expenses came up, like new tires for the car, then I had to make tough decisions. Needless to say, I am not trying to throw myself a pity party here, I have done well and learned to live without. Without cable, Internet, smartphones, fancy cars and brand name clothing. I learned to live humbly and overall the experience has taught me a lot about what is really important. However, I am on my way to Level 2 with a whopping $10,000 raise! But it did take a lot of time (3 years) and a lot of money, $320 to be exact, (which I didn’t have) to make it to Level 2. Even with that pay raise I still have student loans to pay off, and it puts me in a higher tax bracket while loosing my state benefits…  so am I really better off?

The reason I say all of this is because you have to understand the irony behind this. I am an educator instilling the idea that education is the key to breaking poverty, yet according to the statistics I am living in poverty (although in most countries I would be considered rich). I find it so shameful that I have to ask for donations of school supplies for my own two children because I cannot afford them, and I am teacher! Where is my dignity?  How can I as an educator continue to teach my students to score well on standardized tests, and perform well academically so that they can go to college and get a better future for themselves if that isn’t true in my own life?  Am I technically lying to my students?

But what I want to know is if there is anyone who cares that this is happening to our teachers? I know I am not the only one. Instead we continue to disrespect and bash our teachers and judge them harshly for not doing more and better! Of course I am not talking about those teachers who abuse the system and their students, those people should be out of the classroom! But what about the hardworking teachers who really do struggle to make it work? What more can we do? What more do you want from us? We have to feed and provide for our own family too, and according to you, we are to suck it up and do better with no concern of our own. If that doesn’t seem upsetting to anyone then…  Does education really mean a better future? Maybe we should say it’s about the profession you go into, not the education. Maybe we should say that it’s about the high paying job that matters, not the one that makes a difference in the world … but then again…

Does anyone care?    

Provider or Parenting?

Sometimes in the effort to make ends meet and support my family, I may have lost sight of my parenting responsibilities.

Dr. Bob Barnes says: "Establish daily: 'What's the priority, parenting or providing?' You need to decide to sit at your children's bedside and talk with them tonight and do the laundry later---even though you are exhausted. Then, you need to make the decision to choose parenting first again tomorrow night, or there may be nightmares later on when the kids are out of control because there was no nurturing parent; there was just a provider.'"

Trying to be "supermom" as well as "superworker" can be draining and discouraging. So I need to remember how great and mighty God is. He does not expect me to do this on my own strength.

So my prayer is that I will go about ways I can change my days to be less stressful and more parenting-friendly. Now that my life has been changing for the better I can be diligent with how I spend time with my kids. Sure I would love to be a great provider for them, but in the long haul its about the memories I make with them. 

"A rich child often sits in a poor mother's lap." ~Danish Proverb 

Life Changes... (Part 1)

First of all, I apologize for my long absence. I have been busy with writing my dossier to get a pay raise at work, and of course enjoying the summer off with my boyfriend and kiddos. We have been having tons of fun and well, things have been going very very well...

So with all the fun we have been having there is something I wanted to write about that has been close to my heart now. Well, as my new relationship with farmer cowboy continues(that's what I like to call him because he loves to garden and has such a wild free heart, and he is sexy like a cowboy), I realize that my life is changing and changing fast. Of course with change comes tons of excitement, anxiety and fear. I am not worried about my relationship with cowboy, because I know that he truly loves me and I truly love him, and we get along so freakishly well, and I say freakishly because it truly is freakish how well we get along! I mean, we don't fight. I know that may sound rather strange and unusual, and I agree it does, however, we just don't. Have we had disappointments and hiccups in our six months together? Why yes we have.
And we got through them.
We talked it out.
We listened.
We compromised.
We were what we needed to be for the other.
So we don't fight. Instead, we laugh, we give a shoulder and hugs when needed, we care for each other, we hang out and we have a great time together. We get each other in ways others don't. I happen to think he is the funniest guy out there! :) So it's been going very very well... So my life is changing because he is not just a guy that I date every other week, or a guy that just wants to get it on and then go on his way, this man is now a part of my life and the lives of my children... and that is a BIG deal. HUGE!

I know in the past I have regretted how I dated and how I introduced these guys to my kids. In the last four years my children have met three men I have dated, including farmer cowboy. Now, I understand that may seem like a lot of guys, but in four years, I don't think it is! In fact the only thing I regret about my past dating life is starting too soon. I should have waited, but hindsight does not change anything does it? I don't regret introducing these men to my children. Now I know I am entering sacred ground here because there are many different opinions when it comes to dating and kids. Some people believe its best to wait until the kids are out of the house, including my ex-husband. As ideal and safe as that sounds, it is unrealistic and it gives our children a jaded view on dating and marriage. Personally, I think that my children should see how dating should be done and how one finds their soul mate and how that relationship is nourished and developed. Children need a good example to look back on when it comes to their own dating and serious relationships. They need to know how a man treats a woman and how a woman treats a man. If the only view they have is a broken marriage how will they learn to have a healthy relationship and trust another human being? And isn't that the real issue after all? How can my kids heal from the divorce if their parents NEVER move on?

Now, how one decides to introduce their new boyfriend/girlfriend to their children is entirely up to them! And I do mean ENTIRELY! Of all the blogs and books I have read about the issue and just how passionate people are about the topic, I can't help but tell everyone that we need to trust these parents on how they live and how they raise their children. Of course as parents we all want what is best for our children, which is why I think it is up that parent to know how and when and where and who gets introduced to their kids. Every parent, every child, every situation, every circumstance is DIFFERENT!  How can an expert know what is best for my child when that expert doesn't spend any time with her/him? How can that expert know what is best as far as dating when this expert doesn't know the unique circumstance of the situation my family is in? Of course I am not talking about trusting those asshole parents who beat their kids and do drugs and put their kids in very very bad home environments. Those assholes should be shot and buried... just saying...

The truth is that I am tired of being judged for living my life the way I have chosen to live it. I am tired of being ridiculed for my choices. I am NOT perfect and I NEVER will be! I have made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes. And if you are a parent you know that statement to be true because as parents we are always screwing up! But we can't deny that we love our children. And God knows I do! I love them so much, and I want them to be happy and successful grown ups! It is my responsibility to provide a loving, caring and safe home for my children. I am not a perfect mom, but I do put a lot of care and thought into how I want to raise them. I don't want to raise entitled spoiled brats! I don't want to raise narcissistic greedy assholes either, who think the world revolves around them. I want to raise considerate, kind, generous, loving, and caring people. People who put others before them and know how to forgive and not judge others for their differences. This is why I have chosen farmer cowboy to be a part of our lives... because he is all of those things and more... and having my kids around that kind of person is showing them what that person looks like and in the end, hopefully, they will learn to be that kind of person! Of course, there are obstacles...

As much as I would love for my children to be aware of this, and as much as I would love to have a fairy tale ending, I do live in the real world. Unfortunately, farmer cowboy is not my children's primary example or role model. They have a dad. A dad that is involved in their lives and who is active in their upbringing. Which is fantastic of course! Its just that we are not on the same page when it comes to important and valuable issues and that causes conflict and confusion. So with that said, I don't know how much of an impact my time with the kids will effect them and vice versa. All I can do is my best. And life has been wonderful! I can't imagine not having farmer cowboy a part of my whole life and the life of my children. Maybe there are people who disagree with me and I understand their concerns, but whether I was a single mom or not when I met my cowboy, there would still be risks and doubts to be had. I mean, love is risky to begin with and there are no guarantees either. So much can happen... and I am aware of that. Is there a chance farmer cowboy can leave us and I find myself once again in the single mom boat? You bet! So why would I risk that and put my children's heart at risk too... well lots of reasons...

First of all, I don't believe in keeping adversity from my children. I think children should go through hardships and suffer in life a bit. Its the only way we learn about our own selves, and learn to problem solve. I don't believe in providing a disneyland home, where its always happy and they get whatever they want! I want my children to learn how to handle tough life situations. They way I handle life is how I am teaching them to handle it. So when I decided to move forward from the divorce and date, essentially I was telling my kiddos that life goes on! Life does get better after a storm. I don't want to raise sissies. Second, I want my kids to see that hearts do heal. See, even though it didn't work out with those other guys, (as it worked out great for farmer cowboy) my kids saw that dating is not a fairy tale. It takes work. They saw how I established boundaries, and a list of the kind of man I was looking for. I mean Hollywood does a shitty job protraying what dating is like! Even though there were close potentials, I broke up with them because it just wasn't going to work. My kids saw that it is okay to end unhealthy relationships and that it is okay to hurt other people's feelings sometimes if it's for the best. Because of the kind of relationship I had with my ex, I find it important that my kids see a healthy relationship. Period.